The Homework Cycle

I am often caught in a vicious cycle in which I don't do my homework, and also don't even do anything else fun. When I get home, I like to check the internet in case something important had happened while I was away getting an education.  This takes about 15 minutes to half an hour before it gets boring. but then I just don't stop. I keep on trudging on through the internet, because I don't want to do my homework. Apparently, reloading Reddit and Youtube until someone posts something of interest is still slightly less boring than homework.

It gets to the point that it is time for bed, and hardly any homework is finished. This forces me to finish during study hall at school. This is not optimal.

For some reason, a teacher decided that it is good to allow students to work in groups. Anyone who has ever been around anyone under 18 knows this is a horrible idea. Minors can not effectively accomplish tasks when working with their friends. That is, unless you count organized sports, but those coaches are probably ex-military, so they get a pass.

And so, two groups emerge in the classroom, annoying and distracting all those who just want to get their homework done to escape the internet black hole waiting for them when they get home. I have dubbed them The Orgy Brothers and The Snapchat Sisters.

Here is a screenplay of The Orgy Brothers' antics yesterday, as well as I can remember:

Boy 1: (I can't actually remember their names or tell them apart because they all have to same haircut.) Are you tired of being bogged down by homework every night? Then buy the new homework-bot on the internet! It will do you homework for you, so you can spend more time JACKING OFF!!!!!

(Yes, the bold, italics, and underline are completely necessary. He said it with that much ferocity.)

Boy 2: Penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal penal...(This went on for the entirety of the period. I assume he had just learned the word and was very excited to try it out, and didn't bother to find the proper context.)

Boy 3: La la lala la la...(This also persisted, and I believe it to be a sad rendition of the Smurfs theme.)

Boys 4-6: (I couldn't really make out much of what they were saying, as it was drowned out by Sex-Ed Vocab Boy and Smurf Larper. What I was able to understand, I forgot, because I have better use for my memory space, and I didn't realize I was going to make a post about this while it was happening. I do know that it was mostly dick jokes, similar to the aforementioned homework bot. Also a lot of orgasm-ish sounds.)

I guess this looks less like a screen play than I thought it would be. The characters aren't really talking to each other, just yelling and hoping someone notices.

Anyway, due their affinity for talking about dicks during homework time, I was forced to conclude that these boys were involved in some sort a orgy cult, possibly involving Smurfs.

The Snapchat Sisters are less loud, but equally annoying.

I don't really understand Snapchat. I had been under the impression that it was mostly used for porn and almond juice. Apparently it is like Instagram(cracker); a place to post photos of your life, because everyone wants to know what their friends had for breakfast. I only want to see your breakfast if it is a particularly amazing breakfast, like a fried egg, salmon, and guacamole sandwich. Only that kind of omega 3 epicness is allowed on the feeds of the social media accounts I don't have. Did you know that epicness isn't a word? I'm not changing it, because it should be.

Back to the point after my useless sandwich tangent. The only difference I can see between these two sites that I have never looked at is that Snapchat posts self destruct after 50 seconds. I only know this because I read it in my mom's AARP magazine. I think most of my knowledge of social media sites comes from an article I read there about a year ago. I really hope the messages explode when they disappear, that might convince me to get the app.

The Snapchat Sisters are, as you may have guessed, obsessed with Snapchat. Very obsessed. To the point that it is all they talk about.

"Yeah, did you see the thing Female-Name-I-Can't-Remember posted? It's horrible/beautiful/sad/I hate her now." "She's totally spamming her story(what's a story?) with pictures of the snow plow." "Some one got kidnapped, (sarcastically) that's so horrible, I'm crying!"

There are several problems here. Firstly, I really need to remember names better. More importantly, you shouldn't be sarcastic about kidnappings. You can joke about kidnappings, as humor is the way we deal with tragedy, but sarcasm is just rude. Thirdly, snow plows are cool, almost as cool as fried egg sandwiches, and any person luck enough to be graced with photos of them should thank the road utility gods for their blessing.

I don't really care that these people like Snapchat, but they way they talk about it, they must actually hate Snapchat. This is like when I was a baby, and my mom asked if I wanted broccoli, and I did, but I didn't know the word "yes", so I said no. It was a sad broccoli-less day.

So Snapchat Sisters, if you continue to complain about how much you hate the thing you use all the time and interrupt my math homework, I will be forced to throw broccoli at you. It's the mature thing to do.

After dealing with this all day, I go home, and really don't want to do homework, and so the cycle continues. The fact that I have homework looming over my head means that I can't commit myself to stuff I actually want to do, and the only thing I'm good for is mindlessly interneting. This gets in the way of the fact that I want to simultaneously make an awesome blog, start a webcomic, become an animator, learn to play the mandolin, stalk some people I wish were my friends, stalk people who already are my friends, watch Avatar: the Last Airbender, and clean my room.

So, the reasons I can't accomplish my life goals are homework, internet, Smurfs, dicks, and Snapchat. If these things could be eradicated for a bit that would be great.


P.S. I think the reason I'm not famous yet is that my posts don't have labels. That's what labels do, right? Anyway, all my posts are now labeled, so enjoy!